I didn’t expect to meet anyone, really. I was shocked to my
core when I realized without even trying someone had gotten such a strong hold
on me. Was it- is it- because I’ve been alone so long? In a way, so has
he. Is that why we felt like the opposite sides of the same coin?
I’m feeling very tense and heavy about having feelings for a
married man, regardless of him being so unhappy in his marriage. I don’t
want to feel this way. I have been reading a lot about how to stop these
feelings. I only know that it was so unexpected my armour wasn’t
up. I didn’t even notice he had made it passed, and now it feels almost
too late. Why almost? I need to get over him. I can’t and I
won’t be a factor in his marriage and how it goes. I don’t know if I could
survive him staying with her and still caring.
So now I am trying not to care. I am trying to build up my
armour now, cutting him out piece by piece. I am noticing there is a bit less
of me every time I do it. But I need to.
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