It's been a while since I posted, so these are some posts that I just hadn't gotten around to posting. Woo. :)
Back to the male side of relationship things, I guess I can
elaborate a bit more about the shy guy who may have hit on me. I was with a friend, and she’s about as
clueless as I am, and it wasn’t until he wandered away that she mentioned he
may have been interested in me. I’ll explain.
I went to a local comic event, and was wearing a Star Trek
costume. Just the Uhura red dress, nothing intense like some of the awesome
costumes I saw. I love comics and nerdy/
geeky stuff like that, but I don’t see them as nerdy/ geeky, I see them as
interesting and creative. New worlds you
create in your mind! Ha, maybe that’s
why I like them so much. :) Anyways, this
guy comes up to me and my friend and gestures to his camera phone asking if I
would take a picture. Keep in mind, we
were by the photo area, and there were some celebrities nearby, so I thought he
wanted me to use his phone to maybe take a photo of him and a celebrity. Turns out he was asking to take a photo of me
in my uniform.
I’m fairly insecure about my body, but I did dress up and go
to a public place, so I nervously smiled and got the photo done. He stood there a bit longer and made some
small talk about how he debated on dressing up.
As he was wearing a Batman shirt, I commented something non-smooth about
I almost wore the same shirt but changed my mind last minute. We joked he could maybe label himself #1
Batman fan, but people may just try and fight him for the title.
After he left it, that’s when my friend made the
observation. She said she probably
needed to work on her wingman skills, but I noted both he and I seemed pretty
awkward at small talk, so it may not have helped. I was a bit optimistic to see him somewhere
else, though. I mean, he’s obviously
into the same kind of things I am, which is good. I often find after talking to
guys I find attractive (though few and far between), that the nerdy, smart ones
are the most interesting. I’m going to
let myself feel good about this, even though it makes me nervous.
Along those lines, I met a guy a couple of months ago I have
to admit I have been very drawn to. I’m
not used to that. Light crushes,
yes. I’m pretty good a quashing my
feelings because they only lead to disappointment and embarrassment, but this
guy seemed genuinely kind and smart, and I had a great time talking with
him. Wine may have helped.
A few weeks later I ran into him again, and fortified by
probably beer and a great night so far, I chatted with him again and we swapped
numbers. I seriously never do that, but
we had talked about some events coming up we were both interested in. I was pretty excited but also constantly
reminding myself that he probably just wanted some people with mutual interests
to go to these things with. I get that.
I’m no prize looks wise, so I’m often not considered datable material by guys when
they meet me. Regardless I was excited
at the prospect just to talk with him again.
It took me a lot to get up the nerve (so much I can’t
believe I did it), but I summoned resolve from somewhere to ask if he would be
interested in seeing a play that weekend.
I gave him lots of time to respond, but I have to admit, when I didn’t
get a response that first day or two it really bothered me. Why did I even
bother? All those negative thoughts you have about yourself are made concrete when
someone won’t even respond. But then I
got a reply. He would be out of town,
regretted he couldn’t make it, and rain check?
I have to admit I am still unsure how to feel. I didn’t respond. I felt stupid, and needy,
and stupid some more. I still want to
see him, but I don’t know how I’ll react. Part of me thinks I’ll act like nothing
happened, or that it didn’t mean anything, but it did. Not just because he’s the first guy in a
really long time I’ve actually talked to, but because I went out on a bit of a
limb. It’s not that it’s totally
unfamiliar territory, it’s more that whenever I do, the guy turns out to not be
interested. Yes, he said “rain check”,
but that could also just be a way to soften to blow of no.
I’ve heard time and time again from my platonic guy friends
that if a guy is interested, he’ll make sure you know, and I spend a lot of my
time in this made-up in-between world, fantasizing that they’re interested, or
building up the courage to ask me out, or whatever. It’s happened pretty regularly for me. Meet a guy, get a crush, think maybe they’re interested,
and find out a few days later they’re seeing someone, or that they’ve met
someone since meeting me. Someone they go for.
One of the most recent gut-punches was a poet I met who
joked one night after someone gave him a stage kiss that he could really go for
one again, and looked directly at me. A
few weeks later he asked me to take a photo of him. I happily complied, and as
I did he mentioned how he wanted his new girlfriend to see the picture since
she couldn’t make it to the show. Ouch. Message received.
It was a nice photo.
It was his profile picture for a long time. Now it’s him and his girlfriend.
I guess that’s sort of my reasoning for feeling like maybe
the Batman guy just wanted a pic of the costume. Nerds at a nerd event. Nothing more. Damn, I really didn’t mean to talk myself out
of a hopeful feeling.
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