Greener Grass

I’ve discovered that Guy I Swapped Numbers With But Am Afraid to Text reminds me of Shel Silverstein.  You know, that artist who wrote “Where the Sidewalk Ends”, and “The Giving Tree”?  It’s an odd connection to make, but I think it is suiting since this guy is also a writer of sorts.

I made the connection because he was lightly referenced in a little programme I’ve been watching called “The Girls Next Door”.  If you’re not familiar with it, it was a reality show about the live-in girlfriends of Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy.  I’m strangely attracted to these shows, because of how much sexuality is flaunted, and how confident these women are.  Yes, they’re practically clones (one of the ladies states she was raised in a closing lab for Hef, haha), but man do they enjoy having fun.  They laugh very easily, and are thoroughly in the moment, which is refreshing to watch.  I think I take things far too seriously most times.  I can see why men would want to be around these women.  They’re fun.  They’re sweet.  They’re also catty to each other and their hierarchy, and not often the smartest, but they’re living in a mansion and ride in private jets so I can be jealous if I want to. 

Anyways, there was about five seconds were an old photo of Shel was shown, and the beard and serious looking but smiley face made me go, “Yep. Doppelgänger.”  I think I will tell him so next time I run into him.  I think it’s a compliment, so if he knows who and what I’m talking about, huzzah.  Yep.  Already planning casual conversation in case I run into him again.  I’d find it sad if it didn’t come in so handy sometimes. 

In weird news, I recently begun to wonder about a pattern I’m seeing emerge regarding married men. Specifically, unhappily married men, and their possible attraction to me.  Considering I’m usually not very good at picking up on male interest, it’s beginning to bother me, and I’m wondering if I’m imagining it, or what am I putting out there if this is the case?

I met a tattooed friend of a friend at our regular wing night a few weeks ago.  Tattooed Guy had been staying with my Stunt Guy friend since he was dealing with marital issues.  I actually have quite a few friends dealing with separation and divorce right now.  It’s not very reassuring for someone like me who can’t date to see these commitments fall apart. Flag:  trust issues.  It’s also tough for me sometimes to really understand how they’re feeling since I have not had a long-term relationship.  So I listen, and offer what support I can. 

Well last week, while chatting away this new guy confided quite a bit to me.  I’m pretty used to it (I often have more to hear than say when it comes to relationships), but it felt very intense, and he felt really focused on me.  He mentioned how being back at his house with his wife has made him so unhappy.  I get talking to someone new can be good since they can provide a fresh take on things, but part of me is worried that he may mistake this immediate closeness and my willingness to listen as something else.  Part of me is worried I'm mistaking it for something else as well. I do find him attractive, but I’m I have no desire to be a mistress. I say this as someone who found out that her first real boyfriend experience was really her first real mistress experience.  I mentioned trust issues, right? Yeah.  I really hope it’s not a vibe I put off.  I get along with guys, I try to be friendly like I do with anyone, but I’ve noticed that men who are in unhappy relationships tend to gravitate towards me.  Stunt Guy said it’s because I listen, and don’t wrap myself up in drama.  So I’m simple and that’s attractive? Weird.

This is the second unhappily married man who has confided in me in so many months.  Two months ago I had a weird… interaction? One sided conversation?  I’m not even sure how to word it.  As an electrician, he was in town for a month for a job, and we met for drinks or dinner every now and again.  We have friends in common from University, but he had joined the army and moved away, and since then most of our mutual friends have moved away so he called me up.  It was good, until it got very intense and weird.  A few drinks in, he would say things like, “Why is my wife even with me?” Sometimes I can see when people are fishing, but it wasn’t until our last hangout that he apologized for “making things weird” and did a series of long looks and several almost started sentences that I had to cut the visit short and go home.

I mentioned it to a friend of mine who has gone through similar things, and he said some people do leave their spouses for someone else. It’s an urban myth they don’t -but it doesn’t mean they want the person.  They want a reason.  They want what that person represents.  (Back story: Someone left their spouse for him, but that wasn’t what he had wanted, and eventually both relationships ended.)

I’m pretty dense most times, but I do not want someone to use me as a reason to leave their wife, especially when it’s not me they really want.  They want what they consider easy and drama-free.  I guess someone like me who doesn’t have much relationship experience, and thus lacks that dating drama would seem less emotionally draining.

When did I become drama-free, interesting, and seductive? Wtf. How do I turn that to single guys I like?

It’s been a weird time.