Moving On, Moving Up

So... lately my life has been a HUGE explosion of crazy. In summary, I have decided to get over the last guy I was absolutely blind over. I sent him a text late one night seeing if he wanted to get an impromptu drink. It had been a while since I texted him, figuring he could use some time or whatever. He asked who was texting.

So after feeling like an idiot, I told him it was me, said “Forget about it.”, and deleted him from my phone, facebook, and email. Enough is enough. Bah.

Then, of course, is the self-pity parade I usually throw myself. But not this time. Instead I went, “Wait. Why?” Deep down, I knew he wasn’t right for me. I was mostly mad at the fact that I felt I had no romantic options whatsoever, so I projected hard onto this guy, who didn’t want me. Or if he did, he didn’t want me enough.

Some mutual friends (including his best friend) had told me "he’s shy, doesn’t know how to date, and he’s really into me" had me going for a while, but now that I am learning how to move forward, I expect that much from a guy in my life. No effort? Well, then I am now working at moving on. Oh, and then there are the oh-so-helpful friends who bluntly state it was “dead to begin with”, but even then I have to look at that optimistically. In the past, I would never have allowed anyone to know who I liked, never mind ask what they thought. And hearing their (albeit negative) opinion let’s me know I was on the wrong path. When I do date someone, it will because we feel right together, and we’ll know it.

After sitting down and thinking about it a while longer, I came to some solid footing. Even in my smitten haze, I knew there were things about him I had problems with. Things I made myself overlook, but now glared at me like reminders of just how much I will ignore to feel a connection with someone. For instance, he wasn’t that smart. Now usually that’s a HUGE turnoff for me. I had allowed getting to know him over time blind me to the fact that on average, he didn’t get the majority of my jokes or references. Ouch. Also, he talked rather slow. I think this links straight to not being so quick on the uptake. Perhaps now I am being too harsh? Well, friends had told me they didn’t feel he was the sharpest knife in the drawer, and I must admit, that pissed me off at the time so I had over-compensated it with “He’s shy”.

That’s another thing, though. He wasn’t outgoing at all. He was quite happy to sit home or at a friend’s playing video games day in and day out. I don’t mind that from time to time (in fact I find it romantic spending a night in), but he had no real social persona, nor inclination towards one that I ever saw. This was another blow since I am rather outgoing and am constantly busy. Add this to a complete lack of ambition, and I wonder how I managed to overlook something I find to be super important. Lately in my life I have begun to reaffirm my life goals, and take action. I went for the bigger and better job, and am making plans for my future. He once told me if he lost his job, he would “go on EI and wait for them to hire him back”. Solid plan there, mate. Add this to the new, ambitious and educated people I have been meeting lately now that I am back in the city, and Dreamboat’s ship begins to sink.

So I find myself in the familiar position of “Being Alone”, but now I am here without even the fantasy of a crush to look forward to. And in the light of setting goals, I think that should be on my list. Finding a Crush-Worthy Crush. It’s a start. :)